What If You Can’t Remember Your Trauma?
So, you know something happened. You feel it in your body. It shows up in the way you flinch at certain tones of voice, in the way your stomach knots up when someone is even slightly disappointed in you, in the random waves of anxiety that hit you out of nowhere. But when you try to pinpoint the memory? Nothing. It’s like your brain just peaced out and left you with all the symptoms but none of the details.
First of all, you’re not broken. You’re not making it up. And no, your brain isn’t being dramatic for fun. This is actually how trauma works.
Why Can’t I Remember?
When we go through something overwhelming, our brain’s #1 job isn’t to carefully document every detail like a historian—it’s to keep us alive. When your nervous system senses a threat, it shifts into survival mode. Some people fight back, some run, some freeze… and some completely check out.
This is called dissociation, and it’s a powerful (and completely normal) defense mechanism. Instead of neatly filing the memory away, your brain might:
Black it out completely – Like an overprotective best friend who deleted all the texts so you wouldn’t reread them at 2 AM.
Store it in fragments – You might remember the sound of a door slamming, but not why it scares you so much.
Turn it into a feeling instead of a memory – Ever had a wave of panic hit out of nowhere? Your brain could be reacting to something, even if you don’t know what.
It’s not that your memories are “gone.” They’re just… in the archives. Locked away until your brain decides it’s safe to take them out again.
Does This Mean I Can’t Heal?
Nope! This is one of the biggest myths about trauma healing—that you have to remember what happened in order to process it. The truth? If your body is reacting like trauma happened, that’s enough proof. You can work on healing the feelings without forcing yourself to remember the details.
Think of it this way: If you woke up with a broken leg but couldn’t remember how you got hurt, would you refuse treatment until you had a detailed backstory? No! You’d get the help you need. The same goes for trauma.
So… Will the Memories Ever Come Back?
Maybe. Maybe not. And if they do, it’ll happen when your brain decides it’s safe enough to handle them. Trying to force it (through overanalyzing, deep internet rabbit holes, or staring into the void demanding answers) usually just leads to frustration.
Some people start to remember things in therapy, through dreams, or when they’re triggered. Others never fully recall the details, and that’s okay. Healing is about how you feel now, not perfectly reconstructing the past.
What Can I Do Instead?
Focus on your present emotions and reactions, rather than chasing specific memories.
Learn grounding techniques to manage triggers when they pop up.
Work with a trauma-informed therapist (shameless plug: I can help!).
Trust that your brain isn’t hiding memories to mess with you—it’s protecting you in the best way it knows how.
Bottom line? If you’re struggling with the aftershocks of something you can’t fully remember, you still deserve support. You don’t need to prove your trauma to heal from it.